I am standing still

3. prosince 2009 v 18:43 | Ivusha |  Moje každodenní šplechty
I made a promise. And I failed to keep it. It was promise to myself, I said I'd never EVER get in such a state like a year ago. And here I am.

Do you remember, what I said about friends? It's the most important thing in your life. It's them, who will pull you out of a swamp. But this time I'm afraid to even mention my problems to them, because it's only my fault (and they have enough their own problems). I have to handle it on my own, because there is literally nobody, who'd understand... my stupidity, gullibility and actions. Actually even I don't understand and I wish I did... Life is a crazy story and not everybody can survive it and not go insane of it. I think I'm on the edge and only one step far from that phase I-am-fucking-psycho.
Have you seen this movie Splendor in the Grass? Such a great story, but nothing for me these days... If I met my shrink anytime in last week, I guess she'd send me into madhouse instantly, because this is not normal at all. And the best thing about it is, that I know it all.
But I just can't walk, eat, sleep, laugh (when I don't take pills) or sometimes even stand. The best way how to spend my time is lying on my bed and examining our ceiling.
Few days ago it transformed into migraine, funny story, really. I was just puking and having headaches. And December should be my favourite month of a year... hell yeah!

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